Reflections

So its now almost been 3 months since I made the biggest decision of my life and moved across the country out here to Flagstaff.

Sometimes it still seems really surreal, especially when I'm out on a trail, busting through another 60 min. run, and a view of the mountains comes in through the trees.  Sometimes its hard to believe that I'm really here doing this.

A wise man once told me that "It's a dangerous business going out your front door."  implying that the road ahead is not going to be easy.  And it certainly has not been easy.  It has been an incredibly tough process.  I'm working my ass off, both in the workplace, and on the roads, and sometimes the weight of it all can be a bit heavy.

But I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm honestly happier now than I have been in a long long time.

My life is entirely focused on the task at hand.  Everything revolves around becoming the best runner I possibly can be, and I realize now, that this is what I've been missing from my life these past few months.

I haven't had that focus, that single minded drive towards one goal, and I think that was part of what made me so unhappy at times.

And with this focus comes lessons, growth, and realizations.

Since I've been here I've learnt more, and grown more as a person and runner than in the past 3 years combined.  I'm more responsible and more accountable for my actions than at any point in my life previously.  I'm on my own, on my own two feet, and excelling, and its a wonderful feeling.

And because of these lessons, I'm done putting limits on what I can accomplish.  For too long I have limited myself as to what I can do.

In high school it was just getting a state medal, not competing for a title.

In college it was getting to NCAA's, or getting All-American.  Until at one point I aimed for a national title, but the road got bumpy, and again I got scared to dream.

Post-college, for awhile, there were no goals.  Maybe get to the trials? Run half decently?  That was where I put my limits.

Enough of that.

I'm coming to realization that maybe I'm more talented than I originally believed.  The limits of this I do not know, so why put limits on where I can go and what I can accomplish.

Someone once told me prior to my coming out here to "Go be great".  Well damnit, that's what I'm going to do.

No longer is it "just trying to make the trials".

I want to make the damn team.  I want to win a US title at some point.  I want to don the USA uniform.  
I want to run 2:10 in the marathon, Sub 8:20 in the steeplechase, Sub 4 for the mile, 13:30 for 5k, 28:00  for 10k.

I want to do the work to make these things happen.  I want to run the miles.  I want to grind out the workouts.  This is the life I want to live.

I may not make a ton of money in my life, but I'll have more than 99% of people who do.  Once I hang them up for good, I want to look back and smile at the things I did and be glad I did them, with nothing held back, and no regrets.

And with that, I'll be happy.  Which, in the end, is all I want.

Nick Hilton: The Maybe not so Moderately Talented Distance Runner