A Step Back

Tonight didn't go as planned.

I had the unique experience of my mind not up to the task of handling a tough race.  I got to 1200 in a slow 3:10-3:11 in a weird race, and got incredibly negative and just pulled off.  DNF

D. N. F.

Three letters that are shameful in distance running. 

So now I have to build myself back mentally to be able to handle these racing scenarios again. 

I feel that I've been off mentally for quite awhile, but the question of how to fix it is a question that I do not have the answer to. 

I somehow need to get out of my own head and just freaking race.  I need to get some confidence, so I can get to the line and know that I can handle any pace, any scenario, any race.  Do I tweak some workouts? Just race more?  Do yoga?  I don't know.

I hate that I feel like a head case now, I don't think I've ever had to deal with this before. 

Running for yourself is different, after doing this for a team all my life, finding that last gear to do it solely for yourself is much different.  I want to do well, I want to succeed, I want to throw it into 5th and come screaming into the home stretch.  So what's the issue?

I need a coach, this much I do know.  Someone to help answer these questions, someone to help erase this doubt and get me out of my head. Someone I can trust.  It just has to be the right fit. 

All I can hope is that this step back will lead to a bigger step forward in the future.  I tried to obey Coach Russel's 30 min. rule, but I'm still reeling a bit and trying to decode this mental roadblock. 

I'm working on it, just gotta look at the big picture.

Nicholas Hilton: The Moderately Talented Distance Runner